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… if so you are not alone.   This article by Jennifer Senior has caused outrage.  It basically says that having children does not make you happier.   In Texas childcare ranks below preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping and even housework!  Whereas children used to be economic assets now it is often the case that the world revolves around them and their needs.  There is a huge amount of guilt surrounding parenting and “getting it right” in the eyes of others.  As a result of parents are running around after their children trying to be “perfect” they often end up exhausted and then their relationships start suffering.

Senior is most accurate when she writes:

Children may provide unrivaled moments of joy. But they also provide unrivaled moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak.

Senior’s article will not come as any great surprise to most parents.  However, it has been given a provocative title (like this post) to make the issue appear black and white.  Obviously this over-simplifies the matter but there is nothing like stirring up a bit of outrage because it is definitely taboo to admit that you don’t love every moment of parenthood.

When you have children it can take time to adjust to their needs and you are bound to have moments when you are driven half-crazy by your kids, but this doesn’t stop you loving them any less.  It certainly doesn’t mean you hate parenting.  It is more likely to mean that you enjoy and need a well-earned break from time to time.

Let’s face it, if we all hated parenting no one would ever have more than one child and this is definitely not the case! So, if there are any cons, they are definitely outweighed by the pros.

Great post here from Sarah:

the Moses basket has once again become a symbol. A symbol, this time, of how much better motherhood is second time around. A symbol of the fact that, this time, I’ve found my way to being the relaxed, laid-back getting-on-with-life mother that I meant to be when Jamie was a baby but somehow lost sight of in the anxious scrabble to Get Motherhood Right. A symbol of the fact that I’ve finally got it the only ‘right’ that counts – right for me and for us, not bothering too much about what The Books say but doing what works for this family.

Worth reading.

Business Week have a fun list of “working mum moments”, gleaned from high-flying executive mums…

“One morning in my haste to get the kids off to school and go to work on time, I allowed my preschooler to pack his own backpack for school. I dropped him off and went on to work—only to be pulled aside by the teacher at pick up to inform me that the contents of my child’s backpack had consisted of a large pair of scissors, a steak knife, and a box of tampons.”

Source:Babblz

Babblz is an exciting new way to keep on top of the best new parenting blog posts. You can submit posts, vote for others and find the most popular posts on particular topics.

As the site says, it:

allows you to submit an article that will be reviewed by all and will be promoted, based on popularity, to the main page. When a user submits a news article it will be placed in the “unpublished” area until it gains sufficient votes to be promoted to the main page

So far, there are several different categories: Raising Kids, Work Life, Family Life, Home and Garden, Funny Stuff, Sex Life, The World and Blogging.

It is a great idea, so don’t forget to pop over and have a look.

There’s a fun article over at Slate.com by Dahlia Lithwick called “Wiki-Parenting”. Even though it’s filed under, ahem, Low Concept: Dubious and far-fetched ideas, it struck me as a good way of explaining what wikis are to parents.

Parents collaboratively editing
Source:Mark Alan Stamaty

Take the following:

“… anyone who’s had a child can assure you that collective public authorship, collaborative editing, and anonymous generative correction – those wiki hallmarks – have been around since Mrs. Cain first brought Baby Cain over to Uncle Abel’s house dressed only in a too-thin fig-leaf onesie.”

If you’re a parent who has no idea what jargon like collective public authorship, collaborative editing, and anonymous generative correction means, read through the article. I bet you’ll begin to see how familiar all these things are

Yesterday, following the announcement that 77 parenting experts will be appointed across the UK to tackle bad behaviour by giving parents special training, Tony Blair held a seminar on parenting. The Guardian reports that the following parenting tips were suggested:

· Ignore certain kinds of minor misbehaviour – concentrate on intervening when necessary

· Try “time out” – children could be told to spend some time in their room or on a “naughty step”, or just to think about what they have done

· Don’t make drastic threats you will not deliver

· Make discipline specific – if you come home late from school by half an hour, you do not get your mobile for two days

· Make time to read with your children without the distraction of TV and mobiles

Maybe it is just me, but it seems a bit odd that the Prime Minister is giving out parenting tips. Is he really the right person to be doing this?

suonnoch@flickr

According to Chuck Borsellino, the Author of a new book called Pinocchio Parenting: 21 Outrageous Lies We Tell Our Kids

You should never tell your kids something today that you’ll have to untell them tomorrow

Borsellino says that today’s children are critical thinkers and should not be mislead. Lies, however small, will just set them up for disappointment and failure.

One of the most popular things that parents tell their children is “You can do anything”. Borsellino argues that this is simply not true because not all children have the ability to be, for example, a professional footballer. In this sort of situation, Borsellino suggests that parents guide the child towards something more suited to their skills. In the above example, if the child has no athletic talent but is very artistic, the parents could encourage that child to become a sports photographer.

The only lie which Borsellino is a little more forgiving about is about Father Christmas.

However, as the Ploughskeepie Journal reports, for some these white lies or half truths have been just what they needed to here. Patsy Bowman states:

“I remember my daddy telling me that a girl could do anything a boy could do, and I grew up believing that,” said the 54-year-old Phoenix resident, who has always fixed her broken sprinklers, changed the oil in her car and hung pictures on the wall. “It gave me confidence.”

Source: Healthier Generation

Worldwide Play Day celebrates play across the globe and emphasises the need for traditional play and exercise (no TV watching). As an acknowledgement of Worldwide Play Day Nickelodeon will not be broadcasting between 12 to 3. Hopefully this will encourage families to go out and have some fun. There are activities happening all over, so look out for what’s on near you.

You can find out more about how to take part here

I recently read this tongue-in-cheek Daddy Dialectic article about two very different styles of parenting. The Liberal method and the Conservative method.

The Liberal method involves giving your child the freedom to make choices and often involves the parents worshipping their child and everything he/she does.

The Conservative method involves dictating to the child what they can/cannot do and involves regular disciplining. Conservatives often hold the traditional view that children should do what they are told without question.

Parents usually hold strong views on parenting and so the style in which you care for your child is very controversial. No doubt most parents have been surprised at times by the methods or lack of methods used by friends in rearing their kids.

Overall, I agree with Mistyforeverlost that most parents are partly liberal and partly conservative. They set rules and boundaries within which they are flexible.

A recent example of this clash in parenting/childcare styles has been the case of the nursery owner who was reported to police by two council workers for the way in which she had disciplined a two year old girl. The nursery owner in question used one of the more conservative methods of discipline – the naughty step – made famous by the TV show Supernanny . However, the nursery owner had the parent’s full support and was subsequently cleared of assault.

Unsurprisingly, most posts I have read about the “naughty step” incident, such as this one from Relaxed Parents overwhelmingly support the nursery owner and her methods.

And so the battle of the parenting syle continues …

Following my earlier post I have just finished watching the fascinating ITV documentary about smacking.

I was surprised how many parents actually feel guilty about smacking. However, despite the fact that it is evident that their children still misbehave it seems to be a habit for many of the parents. They seem to be keen to have all obedient children (who are probably slightly fearful of their parents).

Whilst the children often receive warnings about their bad behaviour none of the parents showed that they use any other method of disciplining their children. It also appeared that much of the smacking is due to the parents venting their own frustration at the chaos that is involved in bringing up kids.

A Harley Street Pyschologist interestingly pointed out young children, whilst they may be distracted from bad behaviour by a smack, do not connect the smack with the misdemeanour. This is the reason why she argued children continue to reoffend if smacked.

Despite all this, I think that many parents will continue to smack if they were smacked themselves as children. Many hold the view that “It never did me any harm” and so it is an automatic reaction.

technorati tags:smack, smacking, proud, parenting